Moving on to the next nail-biting installment of this existential blockbuster we have everyones least favourite inevitability (after tax), Death. That hooded figure lurking behind every corner, waiting to whisk you away to the next realm (possibly. I'll get to that). Death has a really negative image, and should probably fire his(or her?) PR person. So, in the interests of promoting death, here are my favourite 5 things about death:
5 - No sugar coating
This is a biggie for me, so it should probably have been higher up the list, but oh well. Death does not beat around the bush (unless you died from being beaten around the head with shrubbery). When you're dead, you're dead. I know, you know it, everybody looking at your cold motionless body on the floor knows it. Theres no second guessing what death wants, no bitching or spreading rumours ("Did you hear what death said?", nothing. When death wants you, he'll come and find you. No dilly-dallying. Hes there, youre dead. Thats all there is too it. Never will death come and find you to say "Hi there, listen, we need to talk. You really need to stop living. It's not you, its me. Lets just be friends?". No. He turns up. Youre dead. End of story.
4 - Good work ethic
Say what you like about death, he is not lazy. Death dosnt take weekends or sick days to stay home and recover from the big night at the pub the night before. Hell, Death is working a 24/7 shift. Never does Death recline on the couch, turn on the telly and say "Fuck it, starving Timbutu in Nigeria can have another day". No. Hes out there, every minute of every day doing his job, which is getting harder. People are living longer. Blame medical science and the Biggest Loser. The reaping business is slowing right down, but Death is no bludger.
3 - Not racist
Death doesnt care whether youre black or white, whether your eyes are slanty, you live in an igloo or your last name is lopez, rodrigues or ramirez. Death will take you anyway. Martin Luther King Jr. said "I have a dream, wherein my children will be judged not by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character". Well Death is out there, every minute of every day (See point 4) making that dream a reality. My only point with this is that, in addition to being kind of depressing, have you considered going for a different look? Black is not this years black, and you do take all colours. Might i suggest some sort of technicolour dream coat, ala. Joseph?
2 - A sense of humour
Death will get you, but why not make it interesting? Death has a wicked sense of humour, as you can from reading things like the Darwin Awards. Death is one creative son'bitch and he will find new ways to kill you. And they will be funny. And one day he will find a method of killing that is so funny, others will die of laughter, and the vicious and hilarious cycle will continue. Atleast thats my prediction.
1 - Evolution
Ties in nicely with the previous point. There are elements of evolution that i am skeptical about (and i will probably discuss these in a later post) but i can definately see the importance of weeding out the people who fall under the depressingly large "To stupid to live" category. For this service alone, Death; I salute you.
I realise this list is not going to help me shed the depressing element to my writing, but for such a gloomy topic, i dont think it was that bad. John Donne go nothin' on me, fo sho. And such.
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